Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”
“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”
“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l*cking her cone, the second was b*ting her cone and the third was s*cking her cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one s*cking the cone.”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
A newlywed couple, married just two weeks,
A newlywed couple, married just two weeks, faced the classic challenge: the husband, still head over heels in love, wanted to go out drinking with his friends. So he confessed to his wife:
“Sweetheart, I’ll be back soon.”
“Where are you going, my silly darling?” she asked.
“To the pub, my beautiful love. Just for a little beer.”
“You want some beer, my love?”
She opened the fridge and showed him 25 different beers, from 25 countries: Germany, the Netherlands, Japan…
The husband, unsure what to do, thought only: “Right, my lollipop… but at the pub… you know… they have those cold glasses…”
Before he could finish, she interrupted:
“You want a cold glass, my little puppy?”
She then pulled out a frozen glass, shivering as she handed it to him.
The husband, a bit pale, said: “Yes, my thoughtful darling… but at the pub, they also have… really tasty snacks… I won’t be long, I promise, okay?”
“You want some snacks, my little bear?”
She laid out five plates of different treats from the fridge: fried chicken wings, grilled chicken legs, roasted pork…
“But… but my honey… at the pub, you know… there’s cursing, foul language, and so much more.”
She replied: “You want swearing, my little honeycomb? Listen here, you silly head! Drink that damn beer from the frozen glass I just prepared and ate the snacks I’ve already set up, because you are not going anywhere. Understand, you little monkey?”
…And they lived happily ever after.
