Let me tell you a curious tale,
Of a burglar, bold and hale,
Who chose one night to ply his trade,
Unaware of the plans fate had laid.

He opened a window and slipped inside,
Moving softly, seeking to hide.
He thought to wait ’til the house was still,
Then sneak away with his loot-filled thrill.

Under a bed, he crept with care,
Hiding himself from sight or stare.
Little he knew of the room he’d picked,
Or the twist of fate that soon would flick.

At nine, the occupant entered in,
An old maid weary, with a quiet grin.
She closed the door, feeling secure,
Not a thought that a thief might lure.

She removed her teeth, set her eye aside,
And laid her wig where it could bide.
The burglar shook; his courage fled,
As he stared in shock from under the bed.

Before he could sneak away unseen,
The old maid turned, her eyes keen.
She grabbed him quick, her grip a vise,
Her cool demeanor was cold as ice.

No scream, no shout, no frantic call,
Just steady resolve, surprising all.
She smiled and said, “At long, long last,
A man’s here, though shadows cast!”

From beneath her pillow, a gun emerged,
And with stern resolve, her voice surged:
“Marry me now, or else, dear sir,
I’ll send you to heaven in quite a blur!”

The burglar froze, his strength all gone,
Caught in a trap he’d never foreseen.
He eyed her teeth, her glassy stare,
And sighed, “Just shoot. I haven’t a prayer.”

One day, an out-of-work mime was wandering around the zoo, hoping to make a little money performing for visitors.

Just as he started to gather a small crowd, the zookeeper pulled him aside and brought him into his office.

The zookeeper explained that the zoo’s most popular gorilla had sadly passed away, and they hadn’t found a replacement yet.

Worried about losing visitors, he offered the mime an unusual job: dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be the gorilla until they could get a new one.

The mime, needing work, agreed.

The next morning, before the zoo opened, he put on the gorilla suit and stepped into the enclosure.

To his surprise, the job was easy — swing on some ropes, eat bananas, nap, and entertain visitors. In fact, the crowds loved him even more than the real gorilla!

But after a while, he got bored with the same old routine. He noticed that more people were gathering around the lion’s cage next door.

Not wanting to lose his audience, he climbed the enclosure wall, dangled dangerously close to the lion’s cage, and started showing off.

The crowd went wild, and the zookeeper was so impressed, he even gave the mime a raise.

Day after day, the mime got braver and the crowds got bigger. But one afternoon, while performing his usual stunt, he lost his grip and fell right into the lion’s cage.

Terrified, he ran in circles with the lion chasing him. Out of pure panic, the mime finally shouted, “Help! Somebody help me!”

The lion pounced, pinned him to the ground, and quietly growled,

“Shhh! Be quiet… or we’re both going to lose our jobs!”